Xie Yuzhuo (Minzu University of China)
On February 22, at a wedding in Tai'an Village, Nan County, Yiyang, Hunan, the bride's father returned the groom's 188,000 yuan gift in public, leaving only 100 yuan as a token. The sentence "All young people, don't let money blind your marriage." Not only did the guests at the scene move, but it also sparked heated discussions on social platforms. The bride, Ms. Liao, later responded that her family had made it clear during the engagement that they did not want a bride price. The groom had borrowed the money to prepare for the wedding, and the returned money had been used to pay off debts and wedding expenses. She said her father had always insisted on not asking for a bride price and passed this idea on in the village. (Jiupai News, February 25)
Why is an ordinary country wedding, a seemingly "irrational" move, so widely praised by netizens? The core lies in the family's sobriety, which breaks the distorted betrothal puzzle in the current marriage and love market.
Betrothal gift is a beautiful custom in traditional marriage, which expresses the man's respect for the woman's family. However, in recent years, this intention has deviated from its original connotation in many areas. "Everything is green" and "Three golds for every motion" have become the "hard standards" for marriage. The amount of betrothal gifts continues to rise, as if more betrothal gifts mean more dignity and more attention to the daughter. However, behind this "scenery" is the bitterness of countless families who have depleted their savings and borrowed money to collect the betrothal gifts. It is the regret of lovers who parted ways because they could not agree on the betrothal gifts. It is the helplessness of newlyweds who are burdened with debts and whose love is consumed by anxiety. The stale bride price not only drags down the family economy, but also distorts the concept of marriage and love, and deviates from the original intention of holding hands and growing old together.
On the other hand, although the father of the bride is not highly educated, he is very transparent in his heart. He returned the betrothal gift not as a gesture, but because he sincerely considered the happiness of his children and did not want to burden the children with the betrothal gift. "I have the same heart for my son and my son-in-law." The simple words hide deep fatherly love, and also reveal the true expectations of parents for their children's marriage: happiness does not lie in the size of the betrothal gift, but in the two people working together with one heart and one mind. The bride, Ms. Liao, was equally sober. She admitted that although she longed for the money, she knew that her husband's business was not going well and the bride price was a loan. Accepting it would only make the family's life worse. This kind of empathy is not a "love brain", but the sobriety and responsibility of adults. It is also the rational understanding of marriage among contemporary young people.
Some netizens are worried that Ms. Liao will lose her status if she withdraws the bride price easily. This worry is essentially bound by the utilitarian view of marriage and love. Marriage is never a game of winning or losing, and it cannot be "supported" by betrothal gifts. Those families who frequently ask for hundreds of thousands of yuan in betrothal gifts seem to be seeking protection for their daughters, but in fact they are laying hidden dangers for future marriages. If love is marked with a price and marriage is tied up with money, the so-called "security" will only become a shackles that crush the relationship. Ms. Liao's family chose to return the bride price, not only to loosen the bonds of the marriage, relieve the groom from the pressure of foreign debts, and to protect the sincerity of the two, but also to convey the concept of "happiness depends on working hard with both hands" and set an example of healthy marriage customs for the society.
In recent years, the Central Government’s No. 1 document has mentioned the crackdown on “high-priced betrothal gifts” year after year. Various places are actively promoting the reform of marriage customs, but bad habits are not formed in a day and are difficult to eradicate through policy promotion alone. They also require countless ordinary families to consciously practice them. This Yiyang father did not perform any earth-shattering feats, but he taught the people around him a vivid lesson with his magnanimous behavior at a wedding. This kind of "grassroots power" that takes root at the grassroots level is ordinary but precious. It is an important force that promotes the progress of marriage customs and civilization.
In the name of love, it has nothing to do with money. Staying together soberly is the best happiness. I hope more parents will abandon the misconception that "marrying a daughter means selling her daughter" and understand that bride price is never a measure of true love. We also hope that more young people will break away from the shackles of betrothal gifts, recognize the essence of marriage, and understand that working together is the solid foundation of marriage. I hope this ordinary wedding will turn into a breeze, blow away the unhealthy tendency of comparison with bride price, and let every marriage return to its true nature.
