I thought that after living in a luxury nursing home, I would get better nursing care services. However, when my son sent me to a luxury nursing home that paid more than 7,000 yuan per month, after living there for a year, I truly understood: No matter how good or expensive a nursing home is, there are some things that you cannot buy no matter how much money you spend.
I am 75 years old and have lived a good life for the first half of my life. When I graduated from high school, my parents arranged for me to work in a state-owned enterprise. In my early 20s, I was matched to marry my wife who was in the system.
Although he only gave birth to one son, he was very promising. He went to college and went to teach in the provincial capital after graduation. Then he relied on his own efforts to settle down in the provincial capital without letting us worry.
I thought that with a family like mine, people would live smoothly and happily in their later years. But before the age of 65, I was still living a good life. When I was 65, after my wife passed away due to illness, I began to feel that life was difficult.
My son lives in the provincial capital all year round. Although he comes back to see me once a month, it is really difficult to live alone every day without his wife.
My filial son has always wanted me to move to the provincial capital, but I tried to live there for a while and found that I really couldn't adapt to the life there. There were cars and people everywhere, and it was noisy and complicated.
Living with my son and his family of three also feels a lot of inconvenience. My habits often conflict with theirs. Although my son and daughter-in-law don’t care about it, I still consciously come back and live by myself. Compared with the discomfort of my family, I would rather work harder on my own.
After my wife left, I lived alone in my hometown for more than ten years. At the beginning, I could still buy groceries, cook, clean, go out for a walk every morning, and chat with old sisters in the community. Once I got used to it, I didn’t feel lonely.
But as I entered my 70s, my health began to deteriorate. My legs and feet are getting worse and worse, and my brain is a little forgetful. I forget to bring my keys when I go out several times, lock myself out, and have to trouble my son to ask someone to unlock the door.
After experiencing this several times, my son became very worried about me and asked me to live in the provincial capital, but I refused every time.
My son couldn't do anything about it, so he discussed with me and said that if I didn't want to go to the provincial capital, he would find a better nursing home for me to live in. He said that there is a nursing home in the city with a good environment and professional care, which is very suitable for me to live in, and he can rest assured that I will go.
Just like that, in the spring of the year before last, I asked my son to send me to that relatively high-end nursing home.
Only after I went there did I realize that this nursing home is really good. I live in a single room that costs 7,000 yuan per month. Although it is not big, only 18 square meters, it is fully equipped with independent bathroom, air conditioner, refrigerator, TV, washing machine, and a small desk.
The facilities in the courtyard are also very good, with gardens, fountains, gyms, chess and card rooms, reading rooms, medical offices, etc. What I like most is its restaurant, which has a rich menu and is very suitable for the elderly.
There are many nursing staff, and they are very enthusiastic and diligent. They come every morning and evening to clean the house, make the bed, and remind me to take medicine on time. If I feel uncomfortable, I can have them come to me with just one click of a call.
In the first few months after I moved in, I was very comfortable and happy. Every day I would follow the elderly people in the courtyard to play Tai Chi and do morning exercises in the garden, go to the chess and card room to play cards, go to the reading room to read, and go to the auditorium to watch some performances by the elderly. Even if you don't go anywhere, you can still watch TV in the room and chat with old friends. Life is quite fulfilling.
But after living there for three months, I gradually felt uncomfortable. For example, I wanted to hang the photos of my parents and my wife in my room, but the caregiver disagreed, saying they were afraid of the negative impact. I brought a pot of green plants from home that my wife planted before she died, but the caregiver refused to let me put it in the room because she was afraid of bugs.
I'm used to going to bed at 11 or 12pm, but the nursing home stipulates that the lights must be turned off before 10pm. If the lights are not turned off at the end of the day, the caregivers will come over to remind me. Although their tone is polite, it always makes me feel uncomfortable.
What makes me even more uncomfortable is that the door of the room cannot be locked. It is said to be convenient for the nursing staff to inspect, and they can come in at any time if anything happens. However, I feel that there is no privacy like this. Sometimes I am really afraid that someone will break in suddenly.
Besides, there is no one here who really cares about me. One time, I caught a cold and didn't want to move. The nurse brought me medicine and warm water, said, "Auntie, take a good rest," and then turned around and left. I lay down all day that day without eating lunch, and no one asked me if I had eaten. It wasn’t until I was so hungry that I went downstairs to look for food, and the nurse realized that I hadn’t eaten all day.
Except for me, the few elderly people around me don't think such an expensive nursing home is good. For example, Uncle Wang, who lives next door to me, is 81 years old. He was a cadre before retiring. His family is well off and he lives in a suite. He usually seems to be very happy in the nursing home. He sings and dances every day and is very enthusiastic about everyone.
But in private, I often see him hiding on the balcony, holding the photo of his wife’s body and feeling depressed.
One time I asked him why he was so unhappy despite living in such a good nursing home, but he said that life in the nursing home was a routine every day, and it could be seen at a glance, without any hope or meaning.
In addition, life and death are easy to meet here. People who may be playing cards and chatting together today will fall ill, be picked up by their children, or pass away tomorrow. Having experienced the death of his wife himself, he often feels uncomfortable when witnessing such farewells.
And I have a similar experience. The first two friends I met when I entered the nursing home, one passed away half a year after I moved in, and the other was seriously ill and was sent home for treatment. Seeing the two of them suddenly leaving like this, I felt very uncomfortable. It is even easy to think of sudden death, and I will not be in a good mood those days.
So, after living in a nursing home for a year, I couldn't stay any longer and asked my son to go home.
My son didn’t understand at first. He thought this nursing home had a good environment and professional nurses. Many people would never have the chance to come here. Why would I want to leave? But I told my son: No matter how nice this place is, it is not home, and I feel that no matter how expensive a nursing home is, no matter how complete the facilities, no matter how professional the care is, it cannot buy the three things I want.
The first is freedom. At home, you can do whatever you want, but in a nursing home, no matter how good the conditions are, you have to listen to others and be bound by various rules everywhere. Work and rest are strictly controlled. You cannot decorate the room casually, eat your favorite snacks, or go out at will. You must apply in advance every time you go out.
The second thing is true companionship. Although a person will feel lonely at home, he will feel very happy if he can often see his old neighbors and familiar relatives and friends who can often visit his home. Even if there are not many people to accompany you, looking at everything familiar in the house will make you feel warm in your heart.
In a nursing home, no matter how good the caregivers are, they will not really treat me as one of their own. There are also the elderly people in the hospital who seem to live in the same hospital. At the same time, they are very close to chatting and playing cards with each other in their old age. However, when they are in trouble, no one will really care and accompany them. Living in such a good nursing home seems carefree, but in fact, it is restricted in every aspect, and there is no freedom like at home.
The third thing is the warmth of home. Although my house is old, there are traces of the life my wife and I lived here, and there are things I am familiar with. Everything in the house, whether good or bad, cheap or expensive, will be full of memories of the past, making me feel different when I see it. In the nursing home, although it is clean and tidy and has complete facilities, there is nothing that I care about, and there are no memories of the past. After all, it is not as warm as home.
In the end, I feel that for the elderly, they do not need a luxurious retirement environment in their old age. They just need to be given a place where they can live comfortably and warmly.
There are also nursing homes, which are just a last resort for us in our later years, not our best destination. Therefore, it is recommended that the majority of elderly people: if they can live at home, it is better to take care of themselves at home.
